Eulogy For My Mother

Marie and I read this out today at Mum’s Requiem Mass:

Ann: Mum was born on the 17th August 1936 at home in 10 Norris Street, Lincoln, to Eddie and Emmie Greenwood. The doctor had warned Grandad that he did not expect the baby would survive labour, but she did, despite weighing just 4 pounds. Grandad was so overjoyed when he heard Mum’s first cries that he danced a jig in the lounge with his sister, Auntie Nellie. Mum’s low birth weight may be what led to her lifelong diminutive height, but what she lacked in height she made up for in heart.

After completing her education at South Park Girls High School, Mum briefly worked at a Lincolnshire orphanage, a place where she hated the strict rules for the children, who she loved. Punishments were severe for seemingly minor offences. One boy, named Laurence, had to spend a day in isolation for standing on a chair. Mum felt so sorry for him that she offered to take him out on her next day off. When the day came, she took him to Lincoln on a bus, which drew up behind her Dad’s milk lorry, so they got off, and asked if they could hitch a ride with Grandad. This was against Co-op rules, but Grandad had a heart of gold too, so drove the awed Laurence and Mum to Norris Street, where Grandma spoiled Laurence with sweets. On their return to the orphanage the other children rushed over to ask what Laurence had been doing. He bubbled over with joy as he boasted “I went for a ride on Margaret’s Dad’s lorry” – it had been the highlight of his day!

Mum then trained in shorthand and typing, and got a secretarial job with NFU Mutual, where she worked for several years. It was during these years that she travelled extensively in Europe with her friend, Margaret Hobson, who is pictured on the order of service with Mum, Grandma & Grandad attending an “old time dance”.

Eventually, Mum’s love of children won out, and she secured a place at Margaret McMillan teacher training college in Bradford where she trained as a primary school teacher, and established a lifelong friendship with Susan Donnelly. Whilst at McMillan, Mum met our Dad on a blind date arranged by his aunt, who was a music lecturer at the college. Mum had no escort for the annual “Going Down Ball”, and so Aunty Mabel arranged for her nephew, a young widower, to accompany Mum. Apparently they were so engrossed in conversation that they didn’t dance, which made Aunty Mabel think they hadn’t liked each other, while the opposite was true!

Marie: Ralph says Mum married Dad on 15th August 1964, he knows because he was there, as a six and half- year-old boy. He had of course already met her parents in Lincoln. He met her sheepdog “Rex”. Their home was warm and cosy. There was a comfy bed for Ralph. And plenty of biscuits. All very nice! So, Mum took them on. Mum was blessed with patience kindness and a good sense of humour – all needed in abundance to cope with Dad and Ralph! Fortunately she was a teacher and could make herself heard when necessary!

She loved teaching and even became a form teacher for 3B at Ralph’s junior school in Paddock. Ralph walked to school, but Dad would take Mum there on the back of his motorbike, dropping her off at the main school entrance. Dad would give her a kiss in front of all Ralph’s mates, how embarrassing for him!

On two occasions Mum became pregnant but suffered a miscarriage and a still birth. Those were sad times; they had to cope and carry on. Mum continued to teach up to giving birth to myself and Ann in 1967. This changed the world for the family, and happiness lit our home at Gledholt Bank. Sisters for Ralph, he was involved in all aspects of parenting. Nappies were always filling the washing lines. If the wind blew the wrong direction, soot from steam trains would ruin the washing!
Mum made clothing for the whole family using the new “Knitmaster” knitting machine, the electric sewing machine, plus needle and thread. Her mother had been a professional seamstress, so those skills were passed down. Mum knitted Ralph a Cub jumper to save buying one from the Scout shop. When it came to the time of trying it on, Ralph tried to push his head through, but discovered he couldn’t! Mum and Dad tried to help, but after much effort, gave up in vain. Had his head grown so much? The jumper was soon adjusted!

Dad once asked Ralph, “what do you think of your new Mummy?” He replied after some careful thought – “well she makes nice pastry!” This was true, Mum was a good cook, the pressure cooker was constantly hissing. Food was usually bought at the end of Saturday afternoons, allowing us to get bargains at the “Busy B” butchers in Shambles Lane, then bargain veg, oh and broken biscuits in the “Old Market Hall” .

When we began nursery, Mum joined Dad’s accountancy business as his secretary and P.A. Having been to secretarial college on leaving school, she could use shorthand and type very quickly on the electric typewriter.

Church played a large part in Mum and Dad’s life. They edited and produced the Parish Magazine, attended prayer meetings, helped the Nuns at the Convent, and Mum ran a pre-school play group in the church hall. They were also active members of the Cyrenians, taking soup to the down and outs in Huddersfield. On top of this they managed to volunteer for the Samaritans, manning phone lines through the night for many years.
Much of Mum’s life was given for the benefit of others, she was willing to take chances – “give it a go” often against the odds given how little she was and how poor her hearing and balance were. Mum was profoundly deaf in the right ear following a mastoid operation in her late teens, and her left ear had only weak hearing which needed an aid. She used patience, kindness, humour, and a steely resilience in handling the knocks of life to bring love to those in her world.

In 1975 Mum gave birth to our brother Michael. Our home was a hive of activity for Michael to grow up in, having eight-year-old sisters and a seventeen-year-old brother to follow. It was a home full of love, and despite the constant struggle to make ends meet, Mum always managed to prepare delicious family meals for us.

Ann: As me and Marie grew up our friends spent lots of time with us at Gledholt, also enjoying Mum’s lovely cooking. My best friend Michelle says Mum’s chips were the best she ever had, and remembers frequently asking her to make them. Of course, Mum always obliged. And our friend Andrea says she learned from Mum to always feed anyone who sits at the table.

Even after growing up and leaving home we continued to benefit from Mum’s generosity with food as there was always a meal for us when we visited. Mum and Dad were also a wonderful grandparents, taking an active role in caring for their many grandchildren, and continuing to support their busy sons and daughters. When I was teaching they did all the school runs with Daniel, and when I dropped him off in the morning Mum used to meet me at the gate and hand me a lunch box filled with a meal she had cooked for me. Their generosity to our friends also continued. Our friend Rachel and her partner experienced some hardship after they had a baby, and she remembers arriving home one day to find a bag fastened to the front door containing a whole chicken from Mum and Dad. It fed them for five days.

Mine and Marie’s youngest four children were all born within a couple of years of one another, and as Marie was working full-time throughout their infancy Mum helped me to care for all four at my house. She spent a couple of days a week with us, taking them on walks to the park, changing nappies, and of course, cooking lots of meals.

Marie: After Dad passed away in 2010, Mum gradually lost mobility and developed vascular dementia, and so she agreed to move into an assisted living facility in 2016, where she had a flat with all her well loved furniture and possessions, but was able to socialise with the other residents in the communal lounge and canteen. She loved it, and they loved her! Mum also loved the trips out, particularly outings to the local primary school.
Sadly though the pandemic arrived, and Mum’s quality of life took a dive with social interaction curtailed, and a worsening in her dementia and mobility. Following a fall in September which resulted in a month long hospital stay, I decided to temporarily move in with her until better times, which sadly did not arrive. Mum was cheerful to the end though, and popular with her carers who visited 4 times daily. Her last words to them will stay with me forever – “that’s my daughter”.

Mum has left a legacy in our hearts. We know she has gone to join those who have gone before us into God’s Kingdom. She is now with all the angels and saints she knew on Earth. Mum will be missed by us all, but her memory is safe in our hearts. God bless her.